I Have Completed Reading - How To Win Friends And Influence People
Some lessons I have learned from "How To Win Friends And Influence People".
It has taken me around a week to read “How To Win Friends And Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.
This is my first complete reading of this influential book on developing effective relationships with people and improving your interactions with everyone in your life.
How you deal with people is one of the most important factors that determines your success or failure in life.
This book is less than 300 pages, but it has taken me some time to complete, as I am currently working 12 hour long shifts as a security officer.
I will briefly outline some of the key lessons from this book in this post.
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People
Principle 1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn Or Complain
If you asked the biggest criminals in society if what they were doing is wrong, they will justify the reason for them doing it.
An employee steals goods from his work place daily, if you ask him if it is wrong to steal, he will agree that it is wrong. He will justify his own actions of stealing by saying that he is not paid enough or made to work more than he is paid.
If you keep on criticizing a child for doing something wrong, he will not be able to learn the correct way of doing it. The best way to get a child to learn is by encouraging him. The same applies to employees and students.
Principle 2: Give Honest And Sincere Appreciation
You can get people to perform better by giving honest and sincere appreciation. They will feel better about themselves and also develop good feeling related to you.
If your appreciation is not sincere it will easily be picked up by the person. They will know that you are trying to manipulate them.
Principle 3: Arose In The Other Person An Eager Want
It is easier to get someone to do something that they want to do. You can develop an eager want by letting them know the benefits of doing the specified thing.
Six Ways To Make People Like You
Principle 1: Become Genuinely Interested In Other People
If you are genuinely interested in the other person, they will sense it and also become interested in you.
Principle 2: Smile
A smile can open the doors to getting people to like you. It gives off positive vibes and creates a warm and friendly feeling towards you.
Principle 3: Remember That A Person’s Name Is To That Person The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language
Get to know and use people names. Every person’s name is important to them. If it is a difficult name to write or pronounce, work on it.
I get many people spelling my name incorrectly it’s “Mujibur” not “Mujibar”. I get this many times from people emailing me for the first time.
I have learnt to look beyond the spelling, but many people will just ignore the email, if their name is spelt incorrectly.
Principle 4: Be A Good Listener. Encourage Others To Talk About Themselves
Everyone loves to talk about themselves. The most important person in everyone’s lives is themselves. Talk less and listen more to enable you to learn more about the other person.
A good talk show host has mastered the art of using encouraging prompts to get the other person to open up and start talking more about themselves. The host directs the conversation by asking a few questions and listening without much interruption.
We can all learn the art of listening from the talk show professionals.
Principle 5: Talk In Terms Of The Other Person’s Interests
Always direct the conversation related to the other persons interests. No one really cares much about your interests. You can easily build rapport by getting the other person to talk about the things that interest them.
Principle 6: Make The Other Person Feel Important - And Do It Sincerely
Everyone wants to feel important. If you can make them feel important, they will like you.
Excellent customer service is all about making the customer feel important. Branding works by making the customer purchasing and using a specific brand feel important. This is how luxury goods establish their the global market share.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
Principle 1: The Only Way To Get The Best Of An Argument Is To Avoid It
It is much better to avoid arguments, especially ones that serve no real value. You may win an argument, but you will end up losing a person that could have supported your cause.
Principle 2: Show Respect For The Other Person’s Opinions. Never Say, “You’re Wrong”
Respect the opinion of others, they are entitled it as you are entitled to your own. It is better to get the other person to gradually work out that they may be wrong about something.
Principle 3: If You Are Wrong, Admit It Quickly And Emphatically
Get out of the habit of trying to prove your point, especially when you know that you may be wrong. Once you know that you are wrong, admit it immediately and accept your mistake.
Principle 4: Begin In A Friendly Way
Start your communication with others in a friendly way to build rapport and a common understanding.
Principle 5: Get The Other Person Saying “Yes, Yes” Immediately
Once you get the other person to agree with you on somethings it will become easier for you to get them to see your point of view.
Principle 6: Let The Other Person Do A Great Deal Of The Talking
If you are dealing with a problem, let the other person suggest ways of arriving at a solution. Let them do most of the talking whilst you do most of the listening.
Principle 7: Let The Other Person Feel That The Idea Is His Or Hers
Guide the other person towards the solution or idea and let them feel that they have played a major part in arriving at it.
Principle 8: Try Honestly To See Things From The Other Person’s Point Of View
Most disagreements can be resolved by seeing the situation from the other persons point of view. When both parties do this, a mutually beneficial solution can be worked on.
Principle 9: Be Sympathetic With The Other Person’s Ideas And Desires
We all have different goals and ideas. It is important to note that we are diverse in our thinking. Be sympathetic with what the other person desires.
Principle 10: Appeal To The Nobler Motives
People are more likely to respond positively if they feel that they are acting for a good cause, rather than for selfish or petty reasons.
Principle 11: Dramatize Your Ideas
You need to make the benefits of your ideas more obvious, interesting, and vivid to grab people’s attention. This can be done by using descriptive language to create a powerful scene.
In this modern era we can create videos and graphics to express our ideas in a more appealing format.
Principle 12: Throw Down A Challenge
Everyone likes a challenge. Once someone accepts a challenge they will do their best to reach that goal. You can set your sales team and employees challenges to boost productivity.
Be A Leader
Principle 1: Begin With Praise And Honest Appreciation
A good leader always praises his team members or employees. Make sure that it is honest and not just a gimmick to try and boost your popularity.
Principle 2: Call Attention To People’s Mistakes Indirectly
Look for subtle ways of pointing out people’s mistakes. Don’t try and ridicule them in front of others. Get them to work out their own mistakes by pointing out how it may affect the company or goal that is being worked on.
Principle 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing The Other Person
By talking about your own mistakes you will dilute the impact of criticizing the other person. Thinking about your own mistakes will allow you to take a different route towards dealing with the other person’s mistake.
Principle 4: Ask Questions Instead Of Giving Direct Orders
Ask question that will lead the other person to suggest doing the things that you planned on getting them to do. If the suggestions comes from them, they will be more likely to commit to them.
Principle 5: Let The Other Person Save Face
If you provide a way for the other person to save face, they may appreciate it and not make a similar mistake in the future. They will have more respect for you and will not want to let you down.
Principle 6: Praise The Slightest Improvement And Praise Every Improvement. Be “Hearty In Your Approbation And Lavish In Your Praise”
Once you start praising the slightest improvement, more improvement will follow. Get into the habit of parsing your team members or employees for doing good work. This will encourage them to do even better work in the future.
We forget to praise others in a large amount of good they do, but always seem to find and point out faults.
Principle 7: Give The Other Person A Fine Reputation To Live Up To
Once you have got the other person to build up a good reputation, they will not want to destroy it. You can build up their reputation by praising the consistently for their good work.
Principle 8: Use Encouragement. Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct
Always encourage others to get them to become the best they can. Everyone has faults, by showing your belief in others it will seem easier for them to correct their faults. Your belief in others will help to boost their belief in themselves.
Principle 9: Make The Other Person Happy About Doing The Thing You Suggest
Show the benefits of the things that you suggest others to do. This will work towards making them happy to carry out the tasks that you assign them.
Nothing Is Set In Stone
I have started on this journey towards becoming the best version of myself that I can. There is a lot of information out there. I have started reading the books that are recommended most frequently.
I am taking what is useful for these books and applying to my life. The information contained in these books is not set in stone. There are opinions and suggestions from many people, some of it make work for you some of it may not work for you.
You will need to do some sifting and come up what works for you. I have posted my understanding of the principles outlined in “How To Win Friends And Influence People” in a brief format.
The important thing is to stay on the journey. I know there will be many twists and turns along the way, but I will continue improving myself and posting updates.
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Wow, this is absolutely incredible, Mujibur! To be working 12-hour shifts and still deliver high-quality content like this is exactly what I strive for. Thank you for all your hard work—keep it up! I'll definitely stay subscribed!